I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
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I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
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We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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