It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
