Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
