it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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