I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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