Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
ttyl tear gas
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
