3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
