I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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