I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
