I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
COCAINE IS GR8
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
