OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
