yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
