Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
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I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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