I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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