You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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