i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
