Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I can tuck mytits in my pants
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
