He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
