Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
