my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
