brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
