peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
