The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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