why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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