dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
