I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
