Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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