Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
