What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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