im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
