Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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