Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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