So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
