I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
