He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
