their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
