party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
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You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
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He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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