can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
