we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
