nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
No idea. I blame fireball.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...