Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
This girl is more easily done than said...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.