we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.