I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do