You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
