i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
