Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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