Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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