I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
