nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
