He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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