hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
