Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
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before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
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It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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