Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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