good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
