Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
