God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
