One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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