At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
