the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
