awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
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I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
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I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize