guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
