my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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