my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
