So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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