im drinking this country out of the recession.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
