4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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